Sydnie’s Story of Belonging
I have never been someone who envisions myself as a part of something. I contribute to things. I participate when required. I have friends. I have family. I’ve been on teams. I’ve just never really felt like I was more than a solitary unit. I am simply more comfortable being alone than relying on other people. I can’t remember the time in my life when this started, but I can remember the time when it ended. End of fall semester, 2022. I had just failed organic chemistry 2 for the second time, I was constantly fighting with the guy I was dating, my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I had convinced myself that none of my closest friends had time for me anymore. I felt like I was at rock bottom. Worse than that, I had no idea who even cared. I had no idea who even knew what was going on. I was at this point when it suddenly hit me; no one knew because I never told anyone. I sat around waiting for someone to ask but when they did, I never told the whole truth.
After I had this epiphany, I had a full-blown breakdown with my roommates. I told them everything that had been happening and I cried and cried and cried. Not too long after, we had our first leader meeting of spring semester. In light of my recent epiphany, I promised myself that I would share more than just the surface level of how I was doing. It took everything in me, but I did it. I sat in front of all the leaders and Pastor Kate and told them that my semester was off to a terrible start. I told everyone how I had to switch my majors so late in my college career and that I was so stressed with my life. I was terrified of how people would respond. But those fears washed away when I looked around and saw everyone looking at me with kindness and tenderness in their eyes. Afterwards, so many people came up and asked me how I was. I knew they meant how I REALLY was. Not only that but these people kept asking. Every week they would ask me how my classes were and how my new major was. They would meet me with genuine joy when I told them that I was loving my classes. This weight that I had carried on my shoulders for months seemed so light when I had others to share it with. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that these people who barely knew me could have such love for me.
It brought me back to God. I started pouring my heart back into these people and this community. The more I did that, the more I grew; in my relationships with people, in my relationship with God, in my relationship with myself. I allowed myself to belong somewhere, to belong here. Our strengths are amplified through community. Our weaknesses are lessened through community. My suffering is lighter when I have other hands to carry it with. “If one member suffers, all suffer together with it”. Everything I have and everything I am is greater when shared with my siblings in Christ. In this community, surrounded by wonderful people, I have rediscovered myself and my faith. I am so grateful for the person that LCM has helped me become.
